At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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