He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
