why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
