i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Randomize