I hope mine doesn't look like that
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
