After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Randomize