Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
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