peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
When are your genitals available?
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
