I wish I could punch you in the face.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
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As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
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WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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