Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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