It's like God shit irony all over that family
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
