marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
