I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
