shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
My ATM looks so different sober.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
