At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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