i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
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He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
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University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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