Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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