I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
high people should be assigned attendants
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
