he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
