P.S. I can't hear my feet
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Randomize
