My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
