I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
We left the knife in your bed.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Randomize
