It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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