Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Randomize
