Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
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