I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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