somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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