I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Randomize
