I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Randomize
