dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
No...this little piggys going to the bar
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Randomize
