I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Randomize
