Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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