Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
i now understand why vodka
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
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