can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I am one with the molecules
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
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