If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
So squirting runs in the family.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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