I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
