You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
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It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
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