Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Randomize
