Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
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I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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