I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
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