DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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