I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
