u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
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