i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
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Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
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hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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