did you get engaged???
How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
