I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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