I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
