i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
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