i dedicated my morning wood to you.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
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