he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
