I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
