In the future we'll all be gay
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
