She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
