Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
babies were throwing up all over the place
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Randomize
