I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
She said her name was "party"
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
