I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Randomize
