she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
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