How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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