She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
