The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
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That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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