I didn't shave. On purpose
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Randomize
