i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
