why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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