we're chasing vodka with high fives
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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