People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Randomize
