Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
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