how can u be prego again
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Randomize
