I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
