ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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