hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Randomize
