So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
