I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Randomize
