I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
