I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
how drunk are you?
Several
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
