I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
