Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
