Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
