He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
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