I just pynch a tree in the face
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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