talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
